A Baztalk Primer

GH listens in on the Ranchi round-ups.

Gideon Haigh

Say what you like about Bazball, but it has made for infinitely more interesting press conferences, where players riff between propaganda and philosophy, self-congratulation and solipsism; the journalists nod, defer, transcribe, psychoanalyse, and compose their apologias. Ben Stokes after the Rajkot Test match was a classic of the genre.  It could do with being parsed a little more closely.

Quote A: ‘Three-one doesn’t look great but the way in which we’ve come at India is what I’m most proud of. Coming to India is a completely different beast, something that this team has not been exposed to [before]. The way we have reacted to everything, even being on the wrong end of three results, is something I’m incredibly proud of.’

The tone is inflated, exaggerated: ‘completely different’, ‘incredibly proud’.  But there is also a note of victimhood.  England have been ‘exposed’; they have had to ‘react to everything’ then been ‘on the wrong end’.  Yet Stokes’ team has quite a deal of  experience in the sub-continent.  They have had the preparation they specified, enjoyed the relaxation they demanded, had really quite a pampered and privileged time of it, especially by comparison with earlier visiting sides.  No, three-one doesn’t look great.  Because it isn’t.

Quote B: ‘[There was a view that] we didn’t have a chance in hell of even competing with India but even today that wasn’t an easy win and I think they would admit that. I’m very proud of the way every player has thrown ­everything at India. No one has taken a backwards step.’

Who had that view?  Certainly not England and their boosters, who’ve radiated confidence throughout the tour, especially after victory in Hyderabad.  No, Ranchi was not an easy win for India, but that makes the visitors’ failures the more galling, given that they had every opportunity to take the series to a decider. England faced an opposition sans Bumrah, Kohli and KL Rahul, won the toss, wrung a valuable lead and enjoyed the advantage of bowling last in the most demanding batting conditions of the series.  Maybe no individual took a backward step, but England did.  

Quote C: ‘We've been good in periods, yesterday with the bat, I don't want to say impossible because I don't think anything is impossible, but that was incredibly hard yesterday.’

Stokes doesn’t want to say ‘impossible’ here but effectively does, thereby excusing his batters’ uncharacteristic lack of enterprise in the third innings, and obscuring that England have enjoyed little benefit in these four Tests from stacking their batting and beggaring their bowling, all the while budgeting for daily miracles from inexperienced spinners.  Yes, they’ve been competitive longer than four years ago, but the scoreline reflects an abiding gap in quality between the teams, with ‘good in periods’ implying bad in longer phases.

Quote D: ‘Obviously we want to win every game and every series. But a lot of talking points are after the fact. That is something I have come to terms with, something the team has come to terms with. The way we play is pretty simple. You can have it all taken away at the click of a finger, so why not enjoy every opportunity you have to play?’

Well, yes, we do often talk about Test matches in hindsight, but so what?  That’s the essence of the post-day and post-match press conference.  What’s the alternative?  Endless previewing?  Then, one imagines, the challenge would be: ‘I don’t want to speculate about the future’.  If the past is not something to be analysed and learned from, then we might as well not keep score.  The first sentence here is rendered redundant by the throat-clearing ‘obviously’; the last two sentences, about the need to enjoy a career that is by nature temporary, are dropped in from another conversation, the re-run of an old favourite by somebody steadily running out of fresh things to say.  Anyway, on to Dharamshala next Thursday.  But someone needs to say it. Bazball is at risk of becoming just another mode of English excuse-making, which would make it as boring as what came before.