Coulda Woulda Shoulda

CP ponders the counterfactuals of the 'What If' Ashes

Despite evidence to the contrary, there is a hill I’m willing to die on. And it’s that this Australia team is not that much better than this England team.

Field of dreams

Aussies have no reason to believe it or agree. From what they have seen of England, they’re a scattergun team whose hobbies include nicking off to wide ones and bowling even wider.

Both of which are correct. Of the five shortest England innings under Ben Stokes and Brendon McCullum, three have come in this series. And of their seven most expensive bowling performances, three have been here as well. England have been naff.

The win in Melbourne divided fans. For some, it was a day to celebrate despite the series being gone. A shootout in the sun, in front of a packed MCG and 20,000 Brits, what’s not to like. England don’t win down here. So quit your whingeing and take what you’re given.

But for others, it was hollow. An anticlimatic bottle episode amidst an anticlimatic series. Really? We wait for 15 years, for this? A dead rubber win across two days, where the poor curator is dragged out over hot coals the following morning to answer for his sins.