Fine cricketers, small men

CP watches England lecture us on the spirit of cricket again

They’re good blokes once you get to know them. Promise.

“F**cking hell Washy,” moaned Harry Brook to Washington Sundar, at this stage on 95 and 200 balls into an innings that saved the Test match for his country and kept the series alive. “Get on with it.”

Terrifying

“Just hit a boundary,” whined another, when Sundar, now four runs short of a maiden century, watchfully blocked a Brook offbreak back down the track.

The whole point of this England team is they don’t do draws. And yet here they were, mocking the bloke who had outplayed them, because India hadn’t shaken hands when they wanted to.

England started this year conceding that they needed to be more ‘humble’. They then decided before the Lord’s Test that they’d actually spent all this time being too nice. They’ve also been working with Gilbert Enoka, who is credited with the All Blacks “no dickheads policy.”

So, in short, when giving Washy a spray, do so humbly, while not being a dickhead, but also not being nice. Righto.