Lions Share

GH on the Australian welcome

Stop me if you’ve heard this before: Joe Root has not made a Test hundred in Australia. No, really, look it up.

It is kind of the fact of the moment, to scrutinise, analyse, harp on and even chortle over. On the eve of these Ashes, the century Root has not made is believed to count more than the thirty-nine he has.

‘Average Joe’: thus the headline in the West Australian over a front page photograph of Root behind his luggage cart at Perth airport, with the additional information that his average in three previous Tests in this city is 14, entitling him to the epithet ’Dud Root’.

Surely, in fact, few locals will miss the opportunity to rub it in. The barista to his coffee klatch: ‘Your macchiato might be a while, Mr Root - a bit like your first Test century here…’

The receptionist at his hotel: ‘Room 36, Mr Root. You’ll remember it as your average in Australia….’

So far, so routine. Back in the day, Perth was also the first stop for English teams arriving by ship. They would be greeted by customs official Ernie Jones, once a Merv-esque fast bowler alleged to have sent a ball through WG Grace’s beard, who would roar from his row boat: ‘We’ll tan the flaming’ hide off ya!